As much as I could see, that was how I was. I mean my voice was naturally low and I had to make so much effort to get even someone beside me hear what I say. My size is also not so pronounced – I am neither tall nor fat and don’t even have a big before or behind 😂😂😂 Lol
I’m not even sure if I struggled with self esteem issues or maybe I just didn’t admit that I did because my parents have always been advocates for good self esteem and they always reminded us (my siblings and I) of how loved we are and how we are wonderfully and fearfully made and all those beautiful things God says about us.
I was always getting angry with people because they didn’t always answer me when I greeted them. I discovered later sha that they weren’t even hearing me when I greeted. I became really shy and withdrawn. Remember I said I wasn’t even sure if I had self esteem issues cos I really didn’t have any reason to. I grew up in one of the most loving families and had parents who always stooped to put their ears in my mouth each time I had something to say.
I started feeling very invisible and at first, it annoyed me and sometimes I would feel like shouting in people’s faces “I’m here! Can’t you see me?” 😭😭😭 Unfortunately, they didn’t. After a while, it felt like there was nothing I could do to be seen (of course I couldn’t go around deliberately doing wrong things) so I started priding in my anonymousity. I began to do stuff in the background and I would relish the surprise look on people’s faces when they found out I was the one who did it and at least for a minute, I would feel seen.
Of a truth, it broke me more than healed me. I got so used to sharing my company with myself because ‘they wouldn’t see me anyway’.
Right now, I know better. I know I live for the audience of one and how he sees me I’d the most important. Do I still feel Unseen? Yes. Do I still feel Unheard? A lotta times. Do I let it affect me? Well honestly, sometimes I do but each day with open face as I behold as in a glass the glory of the Lord, I am changed into the same image from glory to glory even as by the spirit of the Lord. Halleluyah💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
I know I’m not alone. Even people I think the whole world hears feel by themselves every now and then. Are you like me? You’re in good company.
God sees you
God knows you
God loves you
You are his
He loves you
He has you
He hears you
He loves you
He is yours
Rest in this knowledge
N. B: I forgot to add this. I once asked a mother what to do because I found myself among people I always didn’t talk much. She told me ‘don’t be disturbed about it. Just so what you think you need to say when you need to say how you need to say it and leave the rest’
God loves you, again.
Have a Beeyouteafull day